Love and marriage involve a lot of closeness, obviously, but there comes a point, somewhere beyond the “birds singing in the trees” lovey-doveyness of a new relationship, where you have to carve out some of your own space, both metaphorically and literally. It shocked me when my best friend told me that, given the money and space, she’d prefer to maintain a different bedroom from her husband. Not that they don’t love each other like crazy, but she complains that her husband snores, and he complains that she hogs all the blankets. This phenomenon is far more common than you might think.
I recently read a compelling blog post questioning whether “his-’n-hers” bathrooms were an emerging trend. Intrigued, I delved into the reasons why some people felt that this might be a desirable living arrangement, and the answers actually made a ton of sense. This goes beyond a high desire for privacy and “keeping some mystery” in the relationship.
First of all, not all couples keep the same schedule. One partner may go to work before the other - and a difference of even one hour can be disruptive to the other partner, especially if you share an en suite bathroom. Partner A is buzzing around, showering, brushing their teeth, getting dressed - and few people do that in absolute silence. Humming, a shower radio, or a squeaky closet door can be downright infuriating to a partner who just wants a little (or, in the case of working different shifts, a lot) more sleep. Separate bathrooms keep separate spaces for both people in a relationship to have their own space.
Secondly, with separate bathrooms, a lower-maintenance partner need not deal with all the frou-frou that their loved one “needs” in the medicine cabinet or vanity drawers. This is very common in heterosexual relationships where the lady has a zillion lotions, potions, and makeup articles spread everywhere, and the poor fella just wants a place to stash his razor.
Lastly, different people have different taste in bathroom decor. Perhaps one likes a dramatic, vivid shower curtain that gives their spouse a headache just looking at it in the morning. Maybe one’s taste run towards “all white, everywhere,” and the other partner isn’t willing to participate in the nonstop cleaning and bleaching it takes to maintain this aesthetic. With separate bathrooms, two people who love each other get space to express themselves and cater to their own wants.